Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
