i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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