I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
