Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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