i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
