if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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