I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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