Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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