i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Found your dick twin last night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
