he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
