Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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