She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
