I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
