i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
