3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
