I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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