The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Life is so much better after having sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
