The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
