I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
