the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
