my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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