i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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