I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
