I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize