he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize