1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
