Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
