The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
