I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can i not drive my cunt home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
