Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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