you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
