I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
