i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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