Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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