Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
