Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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