New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
