is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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