I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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