Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
