currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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