Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we're so committed to being not committed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
