I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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