So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
