I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
