Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
