One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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