went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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