Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
