pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
