that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
