it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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