Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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