I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
