Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Actions speak louder than pants.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
as a side note pls kill me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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