It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
