Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
