franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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