jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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