i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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