im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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