Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
