How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
