So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
