I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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