I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize