My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
