hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
