We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
