he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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