I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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