You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
