Don't make out with my wife yet
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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